maircury:

The only pain I want to feel in 2019 is the tattoo needle pain.

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c3po:

rcktpwr:

kitfisto:

*stuffs my pussy with oatmeal* breakfast is ready

*hogs squealing*

maybe this is why they’re deleting tumblr

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ursawood:

mr tumblr staff my nipples are male presenting it’s fine

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So I got this ad on youtube…

elodieunderglass:

smothermewithaffection:

smothermewithaffection:

smothermewithaffection:

smothermewithaffection:

smothermewithaffection:

smothermewithaffection:

smothermewithaffection:

smothermewithaffection:

smothermewithaffection:

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It’s for U.S. Cellular, specifically advertising how great their streaming service is. You can even , the guy in the ad says, stream hours of grass mowing.

And I go… “wait a minute…that sounds weird…why hasn’t this ad ended yet?”

And I look at the bottom. 

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the ad is seven hours long.

UPDATE

i’m half an hour in

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the guy’s come back a couple times. his mower broke down and he went to get more gas. he came back and started it up again, drove around a few more times making comments about it being fun and “you still watchin? weird.” After a bit he took out a ruler and started measuring the grass.

He pulled out a book and a lawn chair and started reading, but he just left and said he’ll be back soon

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he brought out an umbrella but it fell over so he left and came back and tried to fix it but it completely broke so he stalked off, dragging the chair behind him. i’m loving this.

HE BROUGHT OUT A HAND-HELD UMBRELLA

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he’s really getting into the book

He put away the umbrella and book and stuff and now he’s measuring the grass again.

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HE’S GONNA PLAY CROQUET

the sprinklers turned on…i’m two hours into this thing

more compelling than real tv tbh

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disappointed-pero-not-surprised:

libertarirynn:

sylveonce:

unpretty:

gregorydickens:

victorian-sexstache:

unpretty:

son-of-maglor:

fiskeorn:

elkian:

unpretty:

unpretty:

dr-hollands:

unpretty:

i love cutthroat kitchen but bingewatching makes it really stand out how often alton brown refers to himself as ‘daddy’ and makes contestants wear spreader bars

I’m sorry what

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you heard me

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#I CAN’T BELIEVE I NOW KNOW WHERE TO BUY THE EXACT FETISH GEAR THEY USE ON MY FAVORITE COOKING SHOW

@genericrevenge

OKAY BUT WHY THE FUCK ARE THEY USING SPREADER BARS ON A COOKING SHOW??!??! DOESNT THAT MAKE IT KINDA HARD TO COOK???!?

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kinda, yeah

@datas-vibrating-robot-dong this seems like your speed

That logo looks familiar.

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WHAT

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OH MY GOD

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Alton Brown is a real life supervillain

someone tell me what the fuck is going on

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